Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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