yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
