omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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