She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the day after is always just damage control
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
