Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
