How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
