dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
