It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
