absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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