When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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