mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
