"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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