At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
