fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
