I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
