my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
