That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
