Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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