Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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