i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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