So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
