He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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