I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
