u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
