I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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