I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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