uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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