words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
