You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
