I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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