i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
