Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
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