Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
