is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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