All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
