it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
