fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sex in the backyard? Check.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
