Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
