planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
