Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
