the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
