i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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