"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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