ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
