Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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