Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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