I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
