I just threw up on my dentist
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
