dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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