I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
