Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
