you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
