I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
