Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
